It actually makes for a dangerous situation because God means for spiritual headship and leadership to be a more seamless handoff, not this disjointed affair that leaves the young woman spiritually and emotionally uncovered from age fifteen until her wedding day.We’ve relegated dads to a last-minute interview before engagement when God meant for them to be active, available agents of wisdom and safekeeping. Foolish dads relish the gun-bearing, tough-guy role.Dad might unfairly be expecting a lifetime of wisdom, maturity, independence, or faith from a twentysomething.Either way, fathers need to hear that there are lots of young men who have believed the gospel, have been rescued from much of the worldliness around them, are demonstrating trajectories of the fruit of the Spirit, but are still immature.Demonstrate that you really want to get to know him, not just scare him away. Don’t be too proud to take some notes while you do.It probably should be said here that you might consider giving the daughter you raised the benefit of the doubt that she picked well, at least before coming to any quick conclusions.Pithy parables or intimidating mandates or climactic conversation (really) can be helpful, but so much more can be accomplished over time together.
Trade distant, hands-off fear tactics for some faithful, down-to-earth discipleship.Nothing will help you discern if this young man can love your daughter more clearly than a relationship.And nothing will be better for him long term, whether or not he marries her.Completely apart from Isaac, Abraham sends another guy off to find his son a wife.Some code words and a camel ride later, Isaac and Rebekah are tented and covenanted in love.At the same time, remember that even with the “good guy” a resume can’t replace some regular contact.She’s worth it — her faith, safety, and well-being — to spend some time seeing him for yourself.Anyone who’s tried and failed to get married reads that simplicity with at least a little bit of longing. Wait for the day dad sends her to Minneapolis on a camel? While we can certainly learn about love and marriage from Isaac and Rebekah, I don’t think God intended it to be a manual for getting married in twenty-first-century America.I do think, though, that we may be facing greater evils in our Christian homes today than handpicking fathers.The options could be described like this: In one case, a daughter’s father . For whatever reason — distance, disagreement, divorce, disinterest — dad is out of the picture, and the wedding happens anyway. The relationship with the young woman didn’t end in marriage, and that was hard, but God used the dad to mature, correct, and encourage me.He might attend, but he had nothing to do with the union. If dad has typically picked, approved, conceded, or disappeared — what if instead dad in him and preparing him to make much of Jesus in dating and marriage? But the faithful father of a girl I wanted to date modeled some things for me I’d never experienced before. I have lots of affection, respect, and appreciation for him, and we’re still friends today.