"Between the ages of ten and thirteen, I developed a vision of what I wanted my life to be like when I was a grown man. That's what I've been working towards and building towards all these years."Alex, age 36, lives in Manhattan and says simply, "I want a companion in life.Experiences are not nearly as rich or colorful without someone to share them with."John, age 28, takes a more spiritual approach: "The thing I'm most excited about, in terms of marriage, is waking up next to someone and seeing God through her eyes.However, as the years have passed by, the dates I've had with men at church have been rather few and far between.And I'm not the only woman who has found this to be true. On a mission to answer this question, and many others, I talked informally with a group of men in New York City, and then sat down with the guys from Bel Air Presbyterian to chat about the pursuit of love, about Christian dating, and about why on earth they don't want to date women who go to their church.If these are the sorts of behaviors you’re engaging in, you’re not exercising confidence, but passivity.To a godly Christian woman who is looking for marriage, few things are more unattractive than a man who lacks the confidence to speak to her as a human being. This can be a lot harder than it seems, especially when a guy finds a girl he really likes and wants to dive head-first into a romance.
In addition, they are all currently single, and their words formed a striking correlation with what I heard from the single, Christian men in New York City: They're all interested in finding someone to spend their lives with, but not particularly keen on finding her at church.
In general, women are more emotionally-attuned than men, and they’re more aware of and concerned about how their words and actions affect others.
In dating or potential dating relationships, this often means that women will not overtly come out and say: “I don’t like you that way.”With that in mind, men need to watch out for the social cues that say, “No, thank you.” If the woman you’re interested in routinely checks her phone during casual conversation with you, or if she avoids spending time alone with you, she is probably trying to tell you that she’s not interested. The decision to pursue someone should come from a deeply reflective place in the heart.
Men sometimes focus too much on their emotions and the “idea” of being in a romantic relationship with the woman they are pursuing rather than dealing with the practical realities of the relationship as it stands.
It requires a conscious effort to scale back the intense emotions that come boiling up when pursuing a woman.