Set the best example you can and spend time and energy on people who lift you higher.And remember, somewhere there’s someone out there who thinks YOU need to change! it was something i have always been missing in my life and i thought i finally found the One to have a special rel with. write down all the traits that you liked and were important to you. took her relships seriously and did not seem to throw people away like forgotten garbage hahahaha did not have casual sex or treat sex casually she didnt have any children she was young, ie under 25 hahaha she did not take the pill, i dont think, and i prefer women who dont take the pill. focus on aspects of ex you really disliked and wanted to change. i was shocked she could be so out of character and change so much. in fact, we became friends when i was kinda emotionally unavailable.the closest thing id had to a Special Rel in many years. that at one time i was a pretty special friend to her, i was in her Inner Circle, she trusted me, she liked me more than any woman had liked me in years, even without being Romantic, just liking a person in general. cuz you compare the shitty current situation to the good old days. that she accepted me for who i was that we shared values and way of looking at world and were like “two peas in a pod” she was really nice, a nice, warm, caring, loving, kind, gentle person, and i liked being treated that way. oh yeah wanted to make sure i included that part about the pill. i liked that she was interested in conspiracies and “red pill” sort of stuff and standing apart from the mainstream sheeple. that she was horrible about communicating with me and avoided talking or dealing with anything that she was more friendly to everyone else than me! i wanted her to show more respect to our long and good friendship. from someone i knew and liked, to someone i didnt know and was a evil alter ego. she did something fairly immoral a few years ago that was not cheating, i will not go into detail here, but it was a thing i found pretty controversial, but accepted it as part of her life. when i became available, and she became available, thats when problems started!
He was trying to rein her in; she was acting out more and more; we all went to counseling (I can’t tell you how many arguments, sleepless nights, and general fury on my part all this caused). As soon as she moved, poof – there was peace on earth. Is she still doing all the stuff we had problems with? You think they will behave differently this time, that perhaps your love or kindness will change them. Get worked up – think of how they lie to you or how they don’t do their share or how selfish they are – whatever it is they are doing that drives you crazy. It’s offset by his kindness, patience, and wonderful good humor. If you can’t let go of the relationship (say it’s a co-worker), can you let go of thinking so much about them? But as they get older, you’ll find that you need to alter your behavior to impact theirs. You have several options – you can check out current fashion before you freak; you can yell and tell them they’re not going out like that (giving credibility to their attempt at rebellion); you can cut off the clothing allowance (controlling your behavior not theirs); or you can ignore it, knowing that sooner or later they will be embarrassed just like the rest of us and will fall in line.had fun just peacefully being around her, spending time never felt rushed or judged sense of “two peas in a pod”, sense of shared values, well this might be more about her than the relship per se. i never thought i could do this, it had never happened before. that she stuck in bad rels longer than she should have?sense of being understood being cared for and liked the connection, again prob overestimated in my mind see a lot of these might be more HER than the relship. in the future i think this would be the ideal way to start a rel, to be friends first. she was capable of a long term rel and her first boifran was a long term rel that lasted for 4-5 years of her youth when she could have been out slutting it up she did not like other girls for being phony and dramatic and stupid she liked good music we had a lot in common with our values. if anything i liked that because it meant she was loyal and willing to work on shit. that she chose men who were distant or not really in luv with her?920 ok i am doing the “relationship inventory” in my “getting past your breakup” book by susan elliott, page 136, this is supposedly important, and should take 1 to 2 weeks to complete, and then you write a letter you dont send, and then have a letting go ceremony, and then also its good to say “i forgive them” even if you dont really want to forgive them, its more for YOU than for THEM. shit i will say just about anything, give them false forgiveness, sure hahahaha 1 make list of all the positive things about the relship. note: these are more “risk factors” than “warning signs.” they dont necessarily GUARANTEE a person is gonna turn out a certain way.not about the PERSON (that comes later) but about the relship. it was great to feel close to a woman great to feel love felt intimacy. possibly the theory that because she had been abandoned, she could then possibly abandon someone else. i was keenly aware and looking for warning signs and the father thing was really the only one.at that time i wanted her to work things out with him, i did not want her. we just all hung out together and in the future i tried to go to her house again but she wasnt interested hahaha. but in the sense that we were Close Platonic Friends, but still not Close Nonplatonic friends! just happy that i was hanging out with a woman, any woman, that i appeared to be friends with a woman for damn once in my life. what kinds of things put me at odds with friends and family? and when i invited her to come with me to his get togethers, she naturally never accepted. at the end of the day, the bad outweighed the good. she became a mirror negative image of herself once i dev feels for her. with her i was happy to accept her imperfections because the good way outweighed the bad.we worked at another job together and we would hang out afterwards and talk and those talks got increasingly intimate. there were at least 3 or 4 of these, sometimes we would go to lucnh or coffee shop. when we were first getting to know each other and it was clear that we both liked each other (platonically, which is still kinda a big deal) prob other stuff when she confided important stuff to me and cried and i was there for her and she gave me a hug hahahaha so i LIKE being treated like a leftist beta crying shoulder, great. i got filled with Warm Fuzzies whenever she responded to texts, and she was pretty good about responding, which made me think she WASNT on the verge of getting rid of me. i was worried she would then show up with some other guy and that would be really stupid. they prob wouldnt like that she was living in sin with her old boifran! make a list of all the negative things about the relship. like couldnt go out with friends when i wanted to, having to check in with ex, etc near the end it wasnt really a relship at all, she had already checked out, i was doing everything it was one sided, i luved her, she didnt luv me the communication was AWFUL and nonexistent it wasnt a real relationship. that is was just like every other Luv Rel I’ve had: the woman had no feelings for me. she became a totally different person that i did not recognize. i did not like that her short term new boifran was a different race. but honestly i, at this point in my life, would prefer a woman of my own race, who prefers men of our own race. you know the RIGHT thing to do would be to do me the courtesy of talking to me before throwing me away. all that bullshit i dreamed of and we never did and which i fantasized about. My boyfriend is not a planner – it’s just not his way. I would constantly argue the importance of planning – that if you failed to plan, you planned to fail. You have two choices – learn to live with the behavior or change your relationship to the person.but jeezum crow it might also make the heartbreak worse if they reject you. do no harm, treat each toher the way you want to be treated, dont be a phony, not materialistic, stay away from bad influences, introverted, hard to really fit in anywhere, not a lot of friends, hard to make friends and lovers, quiet, shy, cautious. she chose emotionally unavailable men, perhaps reminded her of her father.but they also have the power to reject you nicely and not horribly like she did! make a list of all the positive qualities about the person. she trusted me enough to tell me very personal stuff, made me feel close and trusted and valued she was very family oriented introverted and not super social, not 100000000000 friends did not party, go to bars, do drugs, drink too much she was chill, not super dramatic, very laid back for a woman she was not fake or phony she was innocent and not super jaded, partially due to not being with too many men she preferred staying at home with family than out partying with party peers she was very attractive but in sort of a weird way, very unique, not like other “pretty gurls” she did not use a lot of makeup she did not dress like a slut she was not obsessed with fashion she was good with money and responsible she seemed mature and reserved and wouldnt do anything stupid really liked some physical aspects, like her hair and legs and skin and shoes and way of dressing and eyes and mouth and nose and face and long arms and legs and nice hips and bottom o god…. at first i thought she was weird looking but later i came to FULLY appreciate her beauty and everything abotu her physically. she had a VERY low number of men, like less than 3! she became like a totally different person when things were going back, and i could not get back to the “good old” version of her. so naturally she would not choose an emotionally available guy like me.